Inner Wisdom and Super Consciousness!

Sharing my story: Going through seven stages of change.

A marriage breaking and ending suddenly is a form of grief for the loss of the relationship and loss of the future of how envisioned life to be and loss of identify as wife & husband. It can be traumatic and a loss needs self-compassion and time out to heal. Like a bereavement will take time to go through the grief cycle of mourning the relationship ending and going through each stage at your own pace to come out the other end.

When I married, I thought this is it “mating for life” and this is the person I’d grow old with as is the norm in Asian cultures to stick it out through the highs and the lows. Never had I imagined an alternative of being a single parent (crossing over to the dark side!) but that was the path I took, whilst I put up with the volatile marriage as the good Indian wife, from the moment my daughter was born the cracks in the marriage got bigger and for my daughter’s sake I had to leave him when she was only 8 months old. We were separated for 2 years and I spent this time to grieve, re-building myself and finding out what I’d truly love to do next. Fast-forward to present day and I have managed to transform my relationship with the father of my child to co-parent; had an easy amicable divorce (did it in 4 months during lockdown 2.0/3.0!) and navigate co-parenting where we are both child-focused and dare I say it on friendly terms majority of the time (shocking right for a man I was scared of but I knew I had to change in myself to create an alternative way of how I’d love to co-parent and live my life). This was a two-year journey – majority of this time I spent on working on myself, to love and connect with what I’d love to create and love all of me. To grieve myself for the marriage breaking down and I had to begin to love myself again and my body. (During my separation I was in high stress mode and the cyst in my ovaries burst causing me to lose an ovary). My mind and body had gone through a lot during this separation and I learnt over those two years to re-connect and love all of who I am and to get clarity on what I would love to create next. It was only after those 2 years of separation I had rebuilt myself and had clarity to start the divorce process and move towards my end result (vision) of creating a healthy co-parenting relationship for my daughter to thrive and be happy. 

Of course, in the process I lost focus got angry and upset, was depressed, loads of crying, grieving and had massive anxiety. During a divorce emotion are high and these were my trigger points to re-center, take self-responsibility and remind myself of my goal and ‘end result’ to take the obvious next step by resolving conflict with integrity. It takes a lot of energy and focus to stick with this tension to resolve in favour of your end result. The key is tapping into your inner voice & wisdom to guide you. I had truly connected with my true instinctive self over those 2 years and I found my inner compass to guide me through this challenging time which held massive tension. 

Energetically holding the focus of your vision is key. Even post-divorce there is still more to process and it’s freely expressing myself with grace and integrity gave me true closure. This process truly mirrors going through the seven stages of grief or change and we owe it to ourselves to honour each stage, be with the pain, hear what the pain wants to say. Stillness and depression are part of this journey. Being kind to ourselves and accepting, loving yourself (all of who you are and would love to be) honouring your journey to then embark on creating a vision for what you’d love to create next. This is the process I went through and it was okay that I was NOT okay during this transition. Of course, mental health will suffer as you are processing a life changing moment that shakes and breaks the foundation of what you’d initially envisioned life to be. There is no going back as that structure is broken and it is time to rebuild the foundations for a new structure to evolve into a different version of you. This will obviously challenge us mentally and physically. 

For me connecting with my inner instinctive women opened up the doors for me to go through these 7 stages and honouring each phase both the highs and lows. There was a guiding light which was my vision of my daughter was my strength that kept me focused to be the best version of myself and transforming my relationship with her father to co-parent. The man I was fearful to express myself and eventually I found my voice to transition to effective co-parenting where I continue to hold the vision of us raising a happy and thriving daughter with two loving parents. We will always be connected as we have a child together and it’s this combined vision and constant choice to refocus back to my daughter and “letting go” of the past has enabled me to effectively co-parent. It’s been a rollercoaster journey but it had to happen and at my own pace. The key is to be gentle with yourself through this process of change and transformation at your own pace. Also take time to grieve, re-build and re-focus on what you’d love to create next as in my case it was more liberating than the alternative.

With my personal experience and intuitive training practice, I love coaching groups & individuals to show them how to access their inner wisdom, find their inner compass and share techniques I have learnt to hold this tension and get clarity to re-focus on their vision and achieve their true end results.

Get in touch for a taster coaching session or discovery call

Credit: Diagram illustrating the Seven Stages of Change (adapted from Kubler Ross Model)